In my humble opinion to have an opinion on something, one must first understand the concept you wish to speak about… otherwise that opinion is just ramblings in the dark. To firstly understand friendship, I refer to the definitional meaning as per Britannica which states:

friendship, a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. 

The definition above is quite self-explanatory, but let’s peel back the layers and focus on the aspect of trust. In my view, trust is the singular attribute of that makes a friend a good friend and it is what I value most.

To expand on that, trust should facilitate friends telling each other the truth in love. I’m not referring to simple matters of fact like the sky is blue… but the hard truths.

The hardest truths a person hears are not about the state of the world or other people… the hardest truths force us to encounter our own insecurities and in some cases inadequacies.

The greatest value in a friend for me is their willingness to tell me the truth in love.

Believe me, it is not a view I was born with or arrived at on my own. Rather, through the hard knocks of life and the valuable mentors in my life, I’ve come to realise a true friend is the one who will always tell it to me straight.

Friends that come along and simply flatter us are like strangers on a train that hop on and admire the clothes you’re wearing and tell you what a great person you are. It is lucrative to put people that make us feel good all the time on a pedestal, because our ego is enjoying the boost.

Another analogy would be a plant being plied with fertiliser, on the surface it seems the plant is being nurtured, but over-fertilising ends up killing the plant. We need that friend that helps prune is time-to-time to help us flower.

The real friend is the one who tells you when you’re wrong.. but does so with pure intentions and a genuine desire to see me grow.

Don’t be fooled by straight talking ‘friends’ who come along and tell you the what’s wrong in your life.. that is akin to an over-bearing, disciplinarian parent that scolds a child but doesn’t explain themselves in love. The child grows up feeling chastised, but never really understands what they did wrong and never really adopts the good behaviour the parent was instructing.

Truth Coated in the balm of love is a great service a friend can do for another human being. A friend that is willing to help you grow, even at the cost of being the bad person is a keeper.

In a world where self-focus is the default setting for some many people, someone genuinely interested in our move towards being the best version of us is to be appreciated. The one person who loves you the most, will end up being the one who may actually be the one that prunes you sometimes. Don’t mistake that pruning for rejection or hatred.. they love you and that is why they wanted better for you.