A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

– Walter Winchell

We all have heard this quote about what a true friend looks like.. but As someone who makes friends easily.. I have contemplated this relationship we all choose to partake in on many a occasion..

The Why?

The old saying goes, we can’t choose our family.. but we certainly can choose our friends. Why do we form friendships?

The core of this answer resides in the fact we are social creatures requiring and seeking out company with other beings of the same species.

The How?

Friendships form on the basis of shared beliefs, affinity for a certain hobby, faith, cultural identity or simple convenience.

Nature of Friendship

The purpose behind anything in our universe usually helps explain the nature of it. The sun’s purpose is to provide the solar system warmth (amongst other things), hence it is a raging sphere of explosions. The nature of the sun is a continuance of nuclear explosions, without which it would not be able to fulfil its purpose.

Similarly, the nature of friendship allows us to fulfil a need within us for companionship. This transfer of companionship is and should be a two way street…

Chanakya, an Indian philosopher and councillor to the Indian Emperor Chandragupta Maurya, articulates the simple truth behind friendship.

There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth.

Chanakya

Now, I never condone a purely cynical view..so we must maintain perspective and balance. For it is completely possible to have beautiful friendships and experiences with our fellow human beings, if we understand the nature of friendship and manage it appropriately.

I have found that friendships are based on self-interest… that interest doesn’t always have to be grossly sinister.. it may only be to have company. There is nothing wrong with friends seeking one another for company but one must be mindful that it does not impede on other priorities that may be more important.

What Chanakya says rings true with how friendships form.. (answered above)

I am not advocating that we should not go above and beyond for friends, but they must consistently be worthy of the sacrifice you are making to keep that friendship. There is an opportunity cost to everything we do…

On the other hand… people may argue we must sometimes take a risk and do something selfless… sure.. this is a great and commendable ideal and if we can it should be followed. However, the reality is that no one can sustain this..

The lesson to be learned here is that friendships are based on some level of self-interest from both parties… therefore it mustn’t be allowed to get out of balance.

In my personal opinion, the most effective friendship is the one you can form with your partner… any self-interest that may exist in that friendships becomes the collective interest because you’re both invested in each others lives and you function as one unit. No one else can ever be a truer friend than the one who is the love of your life..