It is said that painful memories, more so than joyous ones, are seared into our mind…I have found this holds true for experiences as well.

You may too find yourself vividly narrating trauma or deeply painful experiences, yet the laughs you have shared with a now passed loved one or positive achievement at work will feel intensely obscure.

Scientific studies conducted on the phenomena of memories showed, one recently by Stanford University, that we recall painful or negative occurrences more than positive ones (Caren, 2018).

Thereby, our painful pasts can seemingly be our greatest teaching tool to properly shape our growth.. if we let it.

Psychologists often attribute the recollection of painful memories prevailing more so for people in their 20s and 30s. The reason being.. younger people have their whole life ahead of them and every new and painful experience gives their minds a chance to harvest information that can help them in their journey of adulthood.

It is also in this age that we store up the most painful memories..

So, I would have to say painful experiences are the ones that have taught me the most. It’s as if we’re hard wired to scrutinise hurtful encounters of life to better cushion us for the next inevitable thumping we will receive.

Experience enables learning, and I certainly have a learnt a lot! There are nuggets of wisdom to be found in the most troublesome of life’s experiences.

There often comes a singularly consuming moment in our lives when we start to see all things differently…
I recently found myself confronted by my own failure in sustaining behaviour that would earn me respect in the sight of others. This has been a most chilling wake up call to fine tune my own thoughts, actions and words… lest others find me wanting..and lose respect for me.

I have determined to henceforth not allow the actions of others to shape my reaction, but to pre-emptively do my utmost to act beyond reproach. This will not be easy.. I may fail… but better to fail, to take heed and pick yourself up rather than be cut down my the words of others.

My advice, take a moment to come out of your pain and make a note of what that experience can teach you.. specially for those in their youth. The same studies found that memories are reshaped each time we recall them and the new version is embedded more confidently after each narration.

So its best not to waste those previous memories, before its too late and their gone.. learn from them!