I have come to realise that this three letter word has engineered the fall of many a great empires, governments, relationships and individuals!

What is ego?

“It is defined as your conscious mind, part of your identity that is your self.”
– Vocabulary, 2023.

If one’s ego is such an integral part of who we are, is it edifying to feed or destructive to nurture? This is an age old question that human beings seem be grappling with since the dawn of time.

In common terms, most people agree that having an ego is self serving and detrimental to personal growth and any relationship that you could have.

So why then knowing it’s ill effects do we insist on feeding it? The answer is in the definition.. we all save up a special place for ourself in our own mind.

On the other hand, having self worth or self esteem (a synonym of ego) is seen as paramount and must be protected.

You would not be mistaken then to ask, how can we maintain self esteem and not be egotistical?

It comes down to the situational context and amount of importance placed on self.

“The ego hurts you like this: you become obsessed with the one person who does not love you. blind to the rest who do.” 
― Warsan Shire

I have witnessed others and myself at times in the past, aspiring for their ego to be defined by the actions of others. This is a truly dangerous endeavour!
For when the expected actions are not undertaken, it diminishes the sense of self for the person expecting gratification. Forcing them to question self worth and if people truly care for them or not..
All the while, being oblivious to the encouragement and support being provided by those who care for them.

I like to think of ego and self esteem as two sides of a coin; a heads or tails if you will. Both are part of the same coin, yet the public face they have is different.

I have learnt the following:

Seek encouragement and self esteem, don’t seek instant gratification that comes from your ego..

Ego tends to be trivial, short sighted and vindictive, where as self esteem commands an overall air of respect and dignity.